Hey everyone!
The days seriously FLY by here... it’s already been a month since I last blogged!
Two weekends ago, one of my best friends, Paula, came to visit! It was beyond amazing to have her here. And she came on the BEST weekend! Right when she got in, she came and participated in Youth Group on Thursday evening, and jumped right in with all the girls! They loved her and we all had a fun and girly time just hanging out together. I was so glad she got a glimpse into the way I know the girls, rather than just the surface level that so many others see. Then on Friday, Paula came to work with me, and later in the evening we (obviously) did the pub run, a San Antonio staple! On Saturday, we went to “Huevolution,” a breakfast fundraiser for a nonprofit organization in our neighborhood, and then we went out to be tourists in San Antonio! Megan (my roommate and friend from USD) came with us as we explored the Alamo, downtown San Antonio, and one of the oldest cathedrals in the U.S., San Fernando Cathedral. It was so much fun being able to explore the city! We also showed Paula our favorite San Antonio spot - Madhatters coffee shop. That night, Paula and I went out to dinner and walked along the River Walk - it’s so pretty at night! On Sunday, we went to mass at OLG (Our Lady of Guadalupe) and then spent almost all day at the parish festival! We helped with the making and selling of raspas, or snowcones. Monday morning, Paula came with me to work, staff prayer, and got to meet many of my coworkers and the moms at Seton Home. On Monday evening, I took her to the airport and felt awful the rest of the night. I felt like my incredible San Diego life had come to visit me and I remembered again what I was so homesick for. I struggled more with what I’m doing here and why, but I also reflected further and remembered how alive I felt bringing Paula INTO the work I’m doing and my life here.
Other than that, work has been great but incredibly exhausting. I pretty much work 7 days a week. There’s always something on Saturday and then I help with taking the moms to church on Sundays. And then it’s Monday again. I absolutely love my job and being there and everything I do and participate in, but I have to make sure I take time off where I can, because it really can wear on you after a while. I realize I have to keep my own flame lit before I can help to light other’s.
Also, just for a little food for thought, I'm struggling a little - see if any of you can help me reflect. So, this whole JVC/volunteer service thing is so interesting to me. I wrote in my blog a while ago that one of the moms said to me (after I explained JVC to her) that "you don't have any kids, and that's why you can afford to do this." So, she's 100% right. This is a result of my privilege that I'm able to step away from my "normal" life (which is privileged) and "sacrifice" all of those privileges I have, in order to come here and live "simply" and in "solidarity" with the people I'm serving. BUT, my question is, is this really solidarity? And how pretentious am I, making such a "sacrifice" to live like THEM. As if I'm this martyr... please. The people I'm serving don't have the CHOICE to live the way they do. And I feel like everyone just praises us constantly, too, like "oh you're doing such a good thing" and gives us all these free things... when it's like, this would NOT happen with a normal person who is living a modest lifestyle on next to nothing because they don't have any other choice. And I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and resentful of that praise. Ah! I just wonder, does this vicious cycle ever stop? I mean, even this 1 year volunteer program I'm doing is a result of my privilege. I guess, like I had written before, "to whom much has been given, much is expected," but still... I’m just not sure how to reconcile this. However, I have been reading Mother Teresa’s book “No Greater Love,” and I came across a part of it that calmed me a bit in my struggle. She writes, “In order for us to understand and to be able to help those who lack everything, we have to live as they live. The difference lies only in the fact that those we aid are poor by force, whereas we are poor by choice.” A good friend of mine said that the importance is in the CHOICE we make to be in solidarity - it’s about the intention. And although the people we’re serving do not have that choice to make, at least we made this choice to attempt to recognize their life and their dignity and to build relationships and be changed by those relationships... instead of the alternative. Right?
There’s so much more, but I’ll leave you with a poem written by my girls in Youth Group. We all wrote individual poems about our unique characteristics and different things about us, as we reflected on who we are and who God has made us to be. Then we picked our favorite lines from each of our poems, and put it all together to make our Youth Group poem. Enjoy! :)
“I Am...”
I cry when I watch Pocahontas
I wonder what my purpose is
I hope that someday everything I want will come true
I dream to become the world’s best mother
I understand that everything takes time
I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be
I want to change the world
And finally, a closing prayer said by one of the wonderful moms:
“Thank you, God, for being at your best, even when we’re at our worst.”
Love you all and miss everyone so much!
Peace,
Kels
