Hey everyone!
The days seriously FLY by here... it’s already been a month since I last blogged!
Two weekends ago, one of my best friends, Paula, came to visit! It was beyond amazing to have her here. And she came on the BEST weekend! Right when she got in, she came and participated in Youth Group on Thursday evening, and jumped right in with all the girls! They loved her and we all had a fun and girly time just hanging out together. I was so glad she got a glimpse into the way I know the girls, rather than just the surface level that so many others see. Then on Friday, Paula came to work with me, and later in the evening we (obviously) did the pub run, a San Antonio staple! On Saturday, we went to “Huevolution,” a breakfast fundraiser for a nonprofit organization in our neighborhood, and then we went out to be tourists in San Antonio! Megan (my roommate and friend from USD) came with us as we explored the Alamo, downtown San Antonio, and one of the oldest cathedrals in the U.S., San Fernando Cathedral. It was so much fun being able to explore the city! We also showed Paula our favorite San Antonio spot - Madhatters coffee shop. That night, Paula and I went out to dinner and walked along the River Walk - it’s so pretty at night! On Sunday, we went to mass at OLG (Our Lady of Guadalupe) and then spent almost all day at the parish festival! We helped with the making and selling of raspas, or snowcones. Monday morning, Paula came with me to work, staff prayer, and got to meet many of my coworkers and the moms at Seton Home. On Monday evening, I took her to the airport and felt awful the rest of the night. I felt like my incredible San Diego life had come to visit me and I remembered again what I was so homesick for. I struggled more with what I’m doing here and why, but I also reflected further and remembered how alive I felt bringing Paula INTO the work I’m doing and my life here.
Other than that, work has been great but incredibly exhausting. I pretty much work 7 days a week. There’s always something on Saturday and then I help with taking the moms to church on Sundays. And then it’s Monday again. I absolutely love my job and being there and everything I do and participate in, but I have to make sure I take time off where I can, because it really can wear on you after a while. I realize I have to keep my own flame lit before I can help to light other’s.
Also, just for a little food for thought, I'm struggling a little - see if any of you can help me reflect. So, this whole JVC/volunteer service thing is so interesting to me. I wrote in my blog a while ago that one of the moms said to me (after I explained JVC to her) that "you don't have any kids, and that's why you can afford to do this." So, she's 100% right. This is a result of my privilege that I'm able to step away from my "normal" life (which is privileged) and "sacrifice" all of those privileges I have, in order to come here and live "simply" and in "solidarity" with the people I'm serving. BUT, my question is, is this really solidarity? And how pretentious am I, making such a "sacrifice" to live like THEM. As if I'm this martyr... please. The people I'm serving don't have the CHOICE to live the way they do. And I feel like everyone just praises us constantly, too, like "oh you're doing such a good thing" and gives us all these free things... when it's like, this would NOT happen with a normal person who is living a modest lifestyle on next to nothing because they don't have any other choice. And I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and resentful of that praise. Ah! I just wonder, does this vicious cycle ever stop? I mean, even this 1 year volunteer program I'm doing is a result of my privilege. I guess, like I had written before, "to whom much has been given, much is expected," but still... I’m just not sure how to reconcile this. However, I have been reading Mother Teresa’s book “No Greater Love,” and I came across a part of it that calmed me a bit in my struggle. She writes, “In order for us to understand and to be able to help those who lack everything, we have to live as they live. The difference lies only in the fact that those we aid are poor by force, whereas we are poor by choice.” A good friend of mine said that the importance is in the CHOICE we make to be in solidarity - it’s about the intention. And although the people we’re serving do not have that choice to make, at least we made this choice to attempt to recognize their life and their dignity and to build relationships and be changed by those relationships... instead of the alternative. Right?
There’s so much more, but I’ll leave you with a poem written by my girls in Youth Group. We all wrote individual poems about our unique characteristics and different things about us, as we reflected on who we are and who God has made us to be. Then we picked our favorite lines from each of our poems, and put it all together to make our Youth Group poem. Enjoy! :)
“I Am...”
I cry when I watch Pocahontas
I wonder what my purpose is
I hope that someday everything I want will come true
I dream to become the world’s best mother
I understand that everything takes time
I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be
I want to change the world
And finally, a closing prayer said by one of the wonderful moms:
“Thank you, God, for being at your best, even when we’re at our worst.”
Love you all and miss everyone so much!
Peace,
Kels
Hi Kelsey! It's so great to hear from you and to get a little window into your experiences over in San Antonio! I'm glad that Paula could come visit and that you are loving your work! I totally think that everything you are feeling is supposed to be part of the journey of JVC... and is part of the struggle that comes along with any type of service!
ReplyDeleteMaybe another way to look at the simple lifestyle you are called to live in your work as a JVC volunteer is that God calls us to live a simple life in general. You living in solidarity with the poor isn't pretentious, it's how we are called to live! And I think that since you have the intentions that you do and because you are asking the questions you are asking... that makes your choices even less pretentious! Setting aside the fast-paced, materialistic, and "success"-driven culture of American lifestyle is a great thing to do not only to better understand and appreciate the poor (like Mother Teresa talked about), but it's a great faith experience for your life! I think there's definitely a reason that there is such a great emphasis in the Bible on the poor. From what I can think of right now, in the beatitudes for example, Jesus calls us to "hunger and thirst after righteousness," using language that references the poor to explain his expectations of us. Additionally, I think you have a great opportunity to learn a ton from the people you are living from. They have completely different perspectives on what life is and what's important due to the struggle they encounter on a daily basis JUST TO SURVIVE! I think you have an awesome opportunity to experience a lot of raw human emotion and struggle in the community you are living in!
So, yeah, it's got to be super tough to think of what you are doing as a privilege and as something NOT worthy of praise. Yet, at the same time, like you quoted, "to whom much has been given, much is expected," and I think you are doing A GREAT THING with the abundant resources and privileges that you have been blessed with. Think of the 100s of other things you could be doing with your time and talent right now. You CHOSE to do JVC... responding to God's call to work with the BOC in San Antonio.
Anyway.. I'll stop now.. haha. Hope this helps a little haha. LOVE YOU LOTS AND AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Miss you <3