Hello all!
So, since I last blogged, there has been mostly work, work, and more work! (which is totally fine with me, I love my job) Anyway, I have some updates to share with y’all!
At first, last Wednesday seemed like a day like any other. However, when I got into work, I realized very quickly that something was not quite right. I was informed that earlier that morning, one of the moms had left her 6-month-old unattended in the bathroom, and a few minutes later found him unconscious and underwater, not responding or breathing. She ran with him in her arms to the administration building on campus, screaming and crying. 911 was called and she and her child went straight to the emergency room. Now, just to reassure all of you, the baby ended up being fine, despite rumors that there was swelling in his brain and that he wasn’t opening his eyes. He came home from the hospital the next day, healthy and normal as he was before the incident. However, this is obviously a serious event, and they were removed from Seton Home, and placed in different shelters. It has been very intense and sad for me to watch this happen (children being taken away from their mothers), because I’m not quite sure whether it’s the best thing for the child or not. I think it probably is, but who’s to say that the family that adopts them will be any better than the mother that birthed this child (even though she’s a teen)? I’m just not sure, and I guess that’s just another one of those gray areas. I’ve found there to be a lot of those in this kind of work, in the sense that there are so many unseen factors that go into the situations that happen, the way that people act, the way people are treated, etc. It’s frustrating at times, but I’ve found that compassion (however hard it might be at times) is such an important part of social justice… at least for me and the work that I’m doing.
So, in the midst of that intense day, I also had my first “oh my gosh THIS is my job” moment. I was called by the residential staff to hang out with some of the girls while the staff had a meeting. I headed over to their cottage, and there were 3 girls there who I hadn’t gotten to talk with very much yet. We sat down and started chatting, and they asked me who I was and what I did here, and I explained that I was going the new Faith Formation Coordinator and that I would be doing youth group and church. One of the girls then said, “Oh, well while we’re talking about that… What’s the difference between Catholic and Christian? I don’t get it.” And I thought, easy enough, I can answer this – I mean, this is what I was hired for, to answer these types of questions. Then another girl sitting with us chimes in and asks, “Miss, what would God do to me if I had an abortion? He’d punish me, right?” …I’m sorry, WHAT!? I was almost without words, but I knew she was sincerely asking for an answer. I tried to explain that God would never punish her for anything – that’s not what God is like. After that it was like rapid fire questions for about fifteen minutes straight: “Does God hate me for having a child?” “I heard God is coming in 2012 to take us all to heaven, is that true? “I know God will take my baby because he’s innocent, but I’m scared God won’t take me.” “I’m scared for God to come because I’m a sinner.” It was, as you can imagine, incredibly intense. I tried to explain as best I could the beliefs that I have about God. I explained that she didn’t need to be scared, because everyone sins. None of us are perfect like God, but that is why there is forgiveness. I’d like to believe that God knows I’m trying to live the best life, closest to the life God wants me to live, with God in mind through every action… but I’d also like to think that God knows I’m going to mess up from time to time, and loves me so much that I’m always forgiven, no matter what. And my consequences are only that those experiences where I might mess up are where I grow and learn so much about myself and about my relationship with God. And even more than that, I tried to explain that everything happens for a reason, and that God has a plan and a motive and a reason behind every event and experience in our lives. I don’t know if I comforted her or made her feel better, but I was happy to be able to give her the space to ask those questions, because it seemed like no one else had given her that opportunity. During our conversation, I really just wanted to cry, seeing what an overpowering, vengeful, judgmental, and terminal image of God that these girls have. I know this most likely stems from their experiences of people in their lives that have treated them in a similar way, but this is not the God I know, and I want them to know the God I know. I want them to feel the overwhelming love from God that they deserve to feel. I hope that’s something they can begin to feel while I’m here with them, so I at least want to provide them that space to ask questions and start to figure it out for themselves.
Clearly, so far, work has been the place where I have been really filled throughout this JVC experience so far. I had my first official youth group last week, and three girls came, and it was absolutely incredible. I just loved being able to sit and talk with them. We didn’t do ANY of the activities that I had planned (yes, you guessed it, it was planned down to the minute), but the conversation we had was better than anything I could have planned myself. The thing that amazes me most is how open each of these girls is about everything, but mostly about faith. They don’t hesitate to say “yeah, I’m really struggling in my relationship with God,” or, “I’ve been having a hard time praying lately,” or “I haven’t read the Bible in weeks and I feel really badly about it.” So often I feel like people feel this pressure to look like they have it all together, like nothing is wrong, even if on the inside they are really struggling - not only with faith, but with everything. And, I wonder: why? These girls are asking questions and recognizing their own challenges and talking about it so much earlier than I was doing those things. I was definitely not where they’re at until only a couple years ago, and I have so much admiration for them. They have provided me with the most spiritual moments of the past month, not because we’ve had a perfect prayer or we’ve talked about how great our relationships with God are, but because they have been 100% open, honest, and vulnerable and allowed me to do the same. I know I’ve already grown in my faith because of them.
Also, last night was our first “mom AND baby” youth group, which means only one thing: INSANITY! Seven moms came with their little ones, and needless to say, it was a free-for-all. I wasn’t going to kid myself with trying to do anything quiet or serious, so after opening prayer and a “getting to know you” icebreaker, I had them make “something for God to do” boxes. These boxes could be decorated however they wanted, but it was a box in which they could place their struggles, anxieties, worries, challenges, and everything else they need God’s help with. Through making the boxes, we reflected on how God is present with all of us, regardless of how different we are, the experiences we’ve had, what we’re struggling with, or where we are – and this box would help remind us of that. The kids seemed to have a great time helping their moms with the boxes, but mostly they had fun running around while I tried to corral all 8 of the little ones and still supervise the moms and chat with them. Let’s just say, even though it was a great night, I’m glad “mom AND baby” youth group only happens once a month.
Overall, things are going pretty well. Obviously work is very fulfilling, despite how exhausting my days are sometimes (some days are 12 hours long!), and it helps me to remember why I applied for this program: I know that this is where I’m supposed to be, even when it’s hard. And especially since I’m still struggling in the transition into my community, it helps to have a place to go where I feel very comfortable and affirmed. Not to say that my community isn’t ever that place, but it has definitely been a challenge to transition and adjust, probably mostly because USD and home were quite close to being absolutely perfect communities (at least for me). I think I struggle most with not being known yet. I know that sounds totally vague, but I guess to sort of clarify, I am struggling with being put in a box of being a certain way, and I only hope that it can change and that those confines can be broken, because it is affecting my participation and experience within the community. So far, I think my box consists of two things: quiet and spiritual. All of you who know me well can determine if you think that completely fits me or not. I am confident that community life will improve and that it’s supposed to be challenging – I know that being a part of intentional community is a challenge, and I feel as though I have already grown a lot and learned so much more about myself than I would have if I was somewhere completely comfortable. So, for that, I am thankful. As homesick as I am and as frustrated as I get sometimes, I know that this is the experience I was looking for, and that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.
WOW, sorry that was so long.
Thank you all SO much for reading, and know that all of your support means so much.
It is keeping me going out here!
Prayers, peace, and love… always,
Kels
P.S. I'll be sure and post some more pictures soon!
No comments:
Post a Comment