Friday, December 17, 2010

And I might still cry, and I might still bleed, and I might still crash... but I still believe.

So, it's about 4 days until I head home for Christmas! Thus, I can hardly focus on anything but being with my family and friends, and getting some time to recuperate and refocus. I feel myself dragging my feet and struggling to complete anything or do anything 100%... which is frustrating. So, while I'm fighting the stress of Christmas presents on a stipend and how that's going to work... I think this break is coming at a good time.

This past weekend, my roommates and I roadtripped first to Houston, Texas, and stayed the night with the other Jesuit Volunteers, and then drove 6 more hours east to New Orleans! I can't tell you how good it felt to be back there. The spirit of that city is something else. Kait, Janine, Laura, and myself walked around the French Quarter, chowed down on PoBoy sandwiches, inhaled delicious coffee and beignets from Cafe du Monde, and then spent the night out with the New Orleans Jesuit Volunteers (who are awesome, by the way). We had a great time! But that's not all. The next day, we all (our community and the New Orleans communities) all drove to Mobile, Alabama for the JVC South Christmas party! We met up with two of our other roommates, Christina and Owen, and most of the other Jesuit Volunteer communities in the South region! It was incredible to reconnect with all of the people I had met at orientation and to see how their experience is going. The next morning we all piled in the car and drove 11 hours home to San Anton! Overall, great weekend of many laughs, many miles, and many new friendships.

Last night, we had our last youth group for the year. We watched The Nativity Story, and then talked about what it was all about. It was so powerful for me to watch it with the girls, because they have such a strong connection with Mary and her life. I explained to them that connection they have with Mary, since she was about their age (roughly) when she was pregnant with and gave birth to Jesus. They were shocked! "Miss Kelsey, I thought she was in her 20's or something!" I think it was powerful for them, too, to see such a brave and faith-filled person that had been where they've been. I can't say it enough: I am consistently impressed and inspired by these girls. They are such a beautiful representation of Mary in my life and all of her qualities that I would like to emulate. They are so brave, and, despite fear, doubt, and trauma, they said "Yes" to something that required so much responsibility and sacrifice, sometimes much more than they could afford. And, yet, they accept this challenge in a very real way - with fear and uncertainty, but with courage and love. They have shown me the ways in which I would like to be like Mary in my life much more than any book, Bible verse, or reflection ever has.


Also, yesterday as I was holding a baby of one of the girls while she cleaned her room, she told me, "Miss Kelsey, you should have a kid. You look like you're ready to be a mom."

Sweet? Frightening? ...still not sure.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Is there a home for the homeless? Is there hope for the hopeless?

So, a few updates.

Initially, this was going to be the main focus of my entry, but I figure I should give y'all something more than just my rants. Anyway, there's this one social issue that I just can't seem to get past, and has, for some reason, been a huge source of frustration for me. As most of you know, I am a vegetarian, and have been for about 2 1/2 years now. I thought doing JVC would be an environment that accepted and supported the choice that I have made. However, I have been met with the complete opposite. Especially in my house, I am made to feel badly and "picky" for being a vegetarian. I feel as though I am a burden, even though there are two other members of my house who are vegetarians. With coworkers and people in the community, I'm met with less animosity, but more confusion. "Oh, you're a vegetarian...?" I never really felt strange or such a burden being a vegetarian until I came here. And I get especially frustrated because no one asks me WHY I chose to be a vegetarian. Everyone looks at me like I'm a vegetarian because I don't like meat. You don't think I would love to have bacon in the morning? You don't think I miss having chicken in my salad? You don't think I'd like to have more than 3 choices on a menu when I go out? Well, I would like all those things. However, for me, being a vegetarian is not about giving up meat... it's a social issue. It's about feeling uncomfortable NOT knowing where my meat comes from, or what they put into it to make it look/taste the way it does. It's about the statistics that say that meat production factories are responsible for almost half of air pollution. It's about the horrific way both animals and farmers are treated. I just don't understand why my belief is not being respected. Or, at least that's the way I feel. I know it's up to me to defend my beliefs and, besides, a responsibility that I think comes with being a vegetarian is creating awareness. I know that me not eating meat is not making a whole lot of change with the meat industry, so I think it's important to couple my vegetarianism with being proactive. But that's something I really need to be better at.

Anyway, enough of that. I have been working a whole lot, which has been great... until I got a stomach virus. It was only a matter of time until all those germs got to me, I suppose! But it hit me last Saturday, and I'm just now getting back to normal. I'll spare you all the gross details, but I am so grateful to be feeling good enough to eat normal food and to be able to drink coffee again!

As far as Youth Group goes, conflicting schedules have made it hard to schedule/plan, so it's been on hold for the past two weeks. But finally I had a normal night of Youth Group last night. Our meeting revolved around gratefulness, obviously. Only one girl came, which was initially frustrating because I had so many cool things (well, I thought they were cool...) planned. But she was wonderful, and we talked about gratefulness, but also about some things going on her life that she's worried about. We wrote thank-you cards to people in our lives that we're grateful for, and we also talked about being grateful for the struggles, challenges, and limitations present in our lives, and the good things that ultimately come from them.

One more big update is that... ::drum roll please:: I'M COMING HOME FOR THANKSGIVING! I really can't express how excited I am. This break is coming at an absolutely perfect time, actually. I just feel myself needing a little break from, well, everything. Not that anything is bad or unbearable... actually quite the opposite. I love my job so much that I sometimes work too much, and I am working hard on intentionality so I make sure I am as present as I can be with my community. But after 3 months, I feel myself just needing some self-time, and some time with my family. And even more exciting, I get to visit San Diego, too! Very, very briefly, but still. I'm going to fly out of SD back to San Antonio, so I'll be there on the Monday after Thanksgiving, just for a few hours. Can't wait to be back home and in a place of so much comfort. And I really can't wait to share my life with everyone back home and really be able to invite everyone into my experience more. It's going to be amazing, and much needed.


Anywho, that's all for now.

Hope you're all doing well and I'd love to hear updates on your lives and what you're doing!


Thank you again for your constant support, prayers, and love.
I wouldn't be here without y'all.


Peace and love,
Kels

Monday, October 25, 2010

I'm a new soul, I came into this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take

Hey everyone!

The days seriously FLY by here... it’s already been a month since I last blogged!

Two weekends ago, one of my best friends, Paula, came to visit! It was beyond amazing to have her here. And she came on the BEST weekend! Right when she got in, she came and participated in Youth Group on Thursday evening, and jumped right in with all the girls! They loved her and we all had a fun and girly time just hanging out together. I was so glad she got a glimpse into the way I know the girls, rather than just the surface level that so many others see. Then on Friday, Paula came to work with me, and later in the evening we (obviously) did the pub run, a San Antonio staple! On Saturday, we went to “Huevolution,” a breakfast fundraiser for a nonprofit organization in our neighborhood, and then we went out to be tourists in San Antonio! Megan (my roommate and friend from USD) came with us as we explored the Alamo, downtown San Antonio, and one of the oldest cathedrals in the U.S., San Fernando Cathedral. It was so much fun being able to explore the city! We also showed Paula our favorite San Antonio spot - Madhatters coffee shop. That night, Paula and I went out to dinner and walked along the River Walk - it’s so pretty at night! On Sunday, we went to mass at OLG (Our Lady of Guadalupe) and then spent almost all day at the parish festival! We helped with the making and selling of raspas, or snowcones. Monday morning, Paula came with me to work, staff prayer, and got to meet many of my coworkers and the moms at Seton Home. On Monday evening, I took her to the airport and felt awful the rest of the night. I felt like my incredible San Diego life had come to visit me and I remembered again what I was so homesick for. I struggled more with what I’m doing here and why, but I also reflected further and remembered how alive I felt bringing Paula INTO the work I’m doing and my life here.

Other than that, work has been great but incredibly exhausting. I pretty much work 7 days a week. There’s always something on Saturday and then I help with taking the moms to church on Sundays. And then it’s Monday again. I absolutely love my job and being there and everything I do and participate in, but I have to make sure I take time off where I can, because it really can wear on you after a while. I realize I have to keep my own flame lit before I can help to light other’s.

Also, just for a little food for thought, I'm struggling a little - see if any of you can help me reflect. So, this whole JVC/volunteer service thing is so interesting to me. I wrote in my blog a while ago that one of the moms said to me (after I explained JVC to her) that "you don't have any kids, and that's why you can afford to do this." So, she's 100% right. This is a result of my privilege that I'm able to step away from my "normal" life (which is privileged) and "sacrifice" all of those privileges I have, in order to come here and live "simply" and in "solidarity" with the people I'm serving. BUT, my question is, is this really solidarity? And how pretentious am I, making such a "sacrifice" to live like THEM. As if I'm this martyr... please. The people I'm serving don't have the CHOICE to live the way they do. And I feel like everyone just praises us constantly, too, like "oh you're doing such a good thing" and gives us all these free things... when it's like, this would NOT happen with a normal person who is living a modest lifestyle on next to nothing because they don't have any other choice. And I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and resentful of that praise. Ah! I just wonder, does this vicious cycle ever stop? I mean, even this 1 year volunteer program I'm doing is a result of my privilege. I guess, like I had written before, "to whom much has been given, much is expected," but still... I’m just not sure how to reconcile this. However, I have been reading Mother Teresa’s book “No Greater Love,” and I came across a part of it that calmed me a bit in my struggle. She writes, “In order for us to understand and to be able to help those who lack everything, we have to live as they live. The difference lies only in the fact that those we aid are poor by force, whereas we are poor by choice.” A good friend of mine said that the importance is in the CHOICE we make to be in solidarity - it’s about the intention. And although the people we’re serving do not have that choice to make, at least we made this choice to attempt to recognize their life and their dignity and to build relationships and be changed by those relationships... instead of the alternative. Right?

There’s so much more, but I’ll leave you with a poem written by my girls in Youth Group. We all wrote individual poems about our unique characteristics and different things about us, as we reflected on who we are and who God has made us to be. Then we picked our favorite lines from each of our poems, and put it all together to make our Youth Group poem. Enjoy! :)

“I Am...”
I cry when I watch Pocahontas
I wonder what my purpose is
I hope that someday everything I want will come true
I dream to become the world’s best mother
I understand that everything takes time
I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be
I want to change the world


And finally, a closing prayer said by one of the wonderful moms:

“Thank you, God, for being at your best, even when we’re at our worst.”


Love you all and miss everyone so much!


Peace,
Kels

Friday, September 24, 2010

Had to go across the water just to find what was here in my heart all along

Hello all!

So, since I last blogged, there has been mostly work, work, and more work! (which is totally fine with me, I love my job) Anyway, I have some updates to share with y’all!

At first, last Wednesday seemed like a day like any other. However, when I got into work, I realized very quickly that something was not quite right. I was informed that earlier that morning, one of the moms had left her 6-month-old unattended in the bathroom, and a few minutes later found him unconscious and underwater, not responding or breathing. She ran with him in her arms to the administration building on campus, screaming and crying. 911 was called and she and her child went straight to the emergency room. Now, just to reassure all of you, the baby ended up being fine, despite rumors that there was swelling in his brain and that he wasn’t opening his eyes. He came home from the hospital the next day, healthy and normal as he was before the incident. However, this is obviously a serious event, and they were removed from Seton Home, and placed in different shelters. It has been very intense and sad for me to watch this happen (children being taken away from their mothers), because I’m not quite sure whether it’s the best thing for the child or not. I think it probably is, but who’s to say that the family that adopts them will be any better than the mother that birthed this child (even though she’s a teen)? I’m just not sure, and I guess that’s just another one of those gray areas. I’ve found there to be a lot of those in this kind of work, in the sense that there are so many unseen factors that go into the situations that happen, the way that people act, the way people are treated, etc. It’s frustrating at times, but I’ve found that compassion (however hard it might be at times) is such an important part of social justice… at least for me and the work that I’m doing.

So, in the midst of that intense day, I also had my first “oh my gosh THIS is my job” moment. I was called by the residential staff to hang out with some of the girls while the staff had a meeting. I headed over to their cottage, and there were 3 girls there who I hadn’t gotten to talk with very much yet. We sat down and started chatting, and they asked me who I was and what I did here, and I explained that I was going the new Faith Formation Coordinator and that I would be doing youth group and church. One of the girls then said, “Oh, well while we’re talking about that… What’s the difference between Catholic and Christian? I don’t get it.” And I thought, easy enough, I can answer this – I mean, this is what I was hired for, to answer these types of questions. Then another girl sitting with us chimes in and asks, “Miss, what would God do to me if I had an abortion? He’d punish me, right?” …I’m sorry, WHAT!? I was almost without words, but I knew she was sincerely asking for an answer. I tried to explain that God would never punish her for anything – that’s not what God is like. After that it was like rapid fire questions for about fifteen minutes straight: “Does God hate me for having a child?” “I heard God is coming in 2012 to take us all to heaven, is that true? “I know God will take my baby because he’s innocent, but I’m scared God won’t take me.” “I’m scared for God to come because I’m a sinner.” It was, as you can imagine, incredibly intense. I tried to explain as best I could the beliefs that I have about God. I explained that she didn’t need to be scared, because everyone sins. None of us are perfect like God, but that is why there is forgiveness. I’d like to believe that God knows I’m trying to live the best life, closest to the life God wants me to live, with God in mind through every action… but I’d also like to think that God knows I’m going to mess up from time to time, and loves me so much that I’m always forgiven, no matter what. And my consequences are only that those experiences where I might mess up are where I grow and learn so much about myself and about my relationship with God. And even more than that, I tried to explain that everything happens for a reason, and that God has a plan and a motive and a reason behind every event and experience in our lives. I don’t know if I comforted her or made her feel better, but I was happy to be able to give her the space to ask those questions, because it seemed like no one else had given her that opportunity. During our conversation, I really just wanted to cry, seeing what an overpowering, vengeful, judgmental, and terminal image of God that these girls have. I know this most likely stems from their experiences of people in their lives that have treated them in a similar way, but this is not the God I know, and I want them to know the God I know. I want them to feel the overwhelming love from God that they deserve to feel. I hope that’s something they can begin to feel while I’m here with them, so I at least want to provide them that space to ask questions and start to figure it out for themselves.

Clearly, so far, work has been the place where I have been really filled throughout this JVC experience so far. I had my first official youth group last week, and three girls came, and it was absolutely incredible. I just loved being able to sit and talk with them. We didn’t do ANY of the activities that I had planned (yes, you guessed it, it was planned down to the minute), but the conversation we had was better than anything I could have planned myself. The thing that amazes me most is how open each of these girls is about everything, but mostly about faith. They don’t hesitate to say “yeah, I’m really struggling in my relationship with God,” or, “I’ve been having a hard time praying lately,” or “I haven’t read the Bible in weeks and I feel really badly about it.” So often I feel like people feel this pressure to look like they have it all together, like nothing is wrong, even if on the inside they are really struggling - not only with faith, but with everything. And, I wonder: why? These girls are asking questions and recognizing their own challenges and talking about it so much earlier than I was doing those things. I was definitely not where they’re at until only a couple years ago, and I have so much admiration for them. They have provided me with the most spiritual moments of the past month, not because we’ve had a perfect prayer or we’ve talked about how great our relationships with God are, but because they have been 100% open, honest, and vulnerable and allowed me to do the same. I know I’ve already grown in my faith because of them.

Also, last night was our first “mom AND baby” youth group, which means only one thing: INSANITY! Seven moms came with their little ones, and needless to say, it was a free-for-all. I wasn’t going to kid myself with trying to do anything quiet or serious, so after opening prayer and a “getting to know you” icebreaker, I had them make “something for God to do” boxes. These boxes could be decorated however they wanted, but it was a box in which they could place their struggles, anxieties, worries, challenges, and everything else they need God’s help with. Through making the boxes, we reflected on how God is present with all of us, regardless of how different we are, the experiences we’ve had, what we’re struggling with, or where we are – and this box would help remind us of that. The kids seemed to have a great time helping their moms with the boxes, but mostly they had fun running around while I tried to corral all 8 of the little ones and still supervise the moms and chat with them. Let’s just say, even though it was a great night, I’m glad “mom AND baby” youth group only happens once a month.

Overall, things are going pretty well. Obviously work is very fulfilling, despite how exhausting my days are sometimes (some days are 12 hours long!), and it helps me to remember why I applied for this program: I know that this is where I’m supposed to be, even when it’s hard. And especially since I’m still struggling in the transition into my community, it helps to have a place to go where I feel very comfortable and affirmed. Not to say that my community isn’t ever that place, but it has definitely been a challenge to transition and adjust, probably mostly because USD and home were quite close to being absolutely perfect communities (at least for me). I think I struggle most with not being known yet. I know that sounds totally vague, but I guess to sort of clarify, I am struggling with being put in a box of being a certain way, and I only hope that it can change and that those confines can be broken, because it is affecting my participation and experience within the community. So far, I think my box consists of two things: quiet and spiritual. All of you who know me well can determine if you think that completely fits me or not. I am confident that community life will improve and that it’s supposed to be challenging – I know that being a part of intentional community is a challenge, and I feel as though I have already grown a lot and learned so much more about myself than I would have if I was somewhere completely comfortable. So, for that, I am thankful. As homesick as I am and as frustrated as I get sometimes, I know that this is the experience I was looking for, and that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

WOW, sorry that was so long.

Thank you all SO much for reading, and know that all of your support means so much.
It is keeping me going out here!


Prayers, peace, and love… always,
Kels


P.S. I'll be sure and post some more pictures soon!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I find I'm moving to the rhythms of your grace

Hello everyone!


Long time, no blog!


So, the past couple weeks have been FILLED with work and activities and running around and community time and ups and downs and everything in between. It's been a crazy rollercoaster, but I'm happy to say I've survived thus far!

Work has been great! So much to do, sometimes I feel like I don't get anything fully accomplished during the day, but it's really fun and my coworkers have been great. And little by little, I've gotten more and more interaction with the teens, which has been overall very positive. They have been very sweet and friendly, and some of them are even starting to remember my name now! And MAN those babies are cute. However, I can really foresee how this job is going to be challenging - sometimes I have experienced situations where I think "How do you help people who don't want to be helped?". But I feel excited to tackle whatever challenges come up!

I had my first official youth group last Thursday, which was... alright. Only because I wasn't really prepared the day before because I had been told I had to do a training on Thursday evening and couldn't even be at my own youth group meeting. However, on Thursday evening I found out that the training was the next Thursday, so I could still have youth group. Anyway, I ended up renting the movie "The Last Song," buying some delicious snacks, and scrambled around and invited every one of the moms that I saw. I didn't really mind not having anything prepared, though, because really I just want to get to know the girls. Anywho... one girl came. Just one. Which was fine, because I got to chat with her a little bit (yes, we did introductions, just the two of us), and then we watched most of the movie together and ate snacks. It was fun and not stressful or anything - hopefully next week will be a little more structured, but just as relaxed. But I don't feel discouraged - I'm so happy that she came. She was so sweet, and we prayed together before I left. Nothing profound, but just silly and relaxing and fun. I'm really excited to get to actually have a youth gruop where I can get to know more than one girl at a deeper level. I know it will most likely take a while, but I'm excited to open up the space for them. Because, this is why I'm doing this work - for them. If I don't give them that space to reflect, who else will?

Also, our community went out last Friday night and had so much fun! Probably the most fun since I've been here. We went on the "Pub Run" which happens in downtown San Antonio on the first Friday of every month. And, yes, it's exactly what it sounds like: hundreds of people gather at a certain pub, spend about 20-30 minutes there, have a drink, and then run to the next one and do the same thing. There are 5 pubs on the run, and the entire thing is about 5 miles. Hysterical to see hundreds of people running through downtown! And even though I almost passed out (from running, not drinking!), it was so much fun and we met a ridiculous amount of San Antonians!

One other update: I sang in the choir at our church on Sunday! It was definitely interesting. It's very random and not very organized, and there's hardly any preparation. But it was SO great to sing - I did not even realize how much I missed it. And even though it pales in comparison to Founders (the chapel choir at USD), I still think I'm going to try and do it every week.

Anyway, still missing everyone so much. Still fighting homesickness, but I know it's because I am so incredibly spoiled and blessed with the beautiful people in my life, both my family and friends. Though this experience is incredibly challenging, I know it's where I am supposed to be (even when sometimes it doesn't seem like it). I know it's important for me to experience God in a place of discomfort, in order to grow in that relationship and to learn so much more about myself. I have already experienced God's presence in a place where I was surrounded by constant support, affirmation, and love - now it's my challenge to maintain and grow in my relationship with God in a place that's not as easy. I know it's going to be hard and I have not always been as optimistic as this sounds now, but I know in my heart that I am supposed to be here and that I can do this.

Anyway, that's all for now!

Loving and praying for all of you - all the way from Texas!

Thanks for reading :)


Peace and love,


Kels

P.S. Just a situation I've been reflecting on that I thought I would share:
The other day there was a "situation" happening in one of the residences, and in that case, the entire campus is on lockdown. This means that some of the girls in that residence had to come over to the building I work in, just until the situation was taken care of. These are girls that I don't normally interact with, and so I thought it'd be good to go out and sit with them to try to get to know them. For a while, I was not received well at all. No one really talked to me or looked at me or even acknowledged me when I talked, and then finally I was asked who I was and what I did here at Seton Home. I explained that I'm a volunteer for a year and I'll be leading youth group and before I could finish she said, "You're a VOLUNTEER!? You do this for free!?" And I told her that yes I do this for a really small stipend per month. She was shocked at first, and then asked me, "Do you have any kids?" And I said no. And she said, "Well that's why you can afford to do this, 'cause you don't have any kids." It really made me think about my life prior to this and my purpose here. I mean, she's 100% right. What am I supposed to say to that? It's really strange thinking about this year in terms of that - being able to AFFORD to do this. Most of the time we think of this volunteer year as a sacrifice for us, living a simple lifestyle, giving up the "comforts" we're used to in our previous lives. However, this girl flat out shut me up with that comment. I have never had to think of this experience as a privilege, but when you look at it that way, it totally is. I mean, I can try as hard as I can, but can I really relate to these girls? I'm not a teenager, and when I was a teenager, I didn't have any children, I had a home, I went to school, and I had a loving family. I haven't experienced any abuse, I have never been homeless, I have had an incredibly comfortable life. But maybe that's not my purpose or my place - to relate to these girls. I'm here to help. Not because I'm better in any way, but because they need it. And regardless of if they'll admit it or not, they do need help. Either with finances, managing their emotions, drug addiction, parenting skills, life skills... etc. These girls and their children deserve a happy, fulfilling, comfortable life just as much as I do. So, since I can "afford" to help... I will, in any way that I can. I guess this is representative of the verse, "To whom much has been given, much is expected"... right?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

So, I survived my first official week as a JV and have swiftly moved into my second week! Can't believe I'm already here, working and living and well-into this crazy journey.

I wrote this blog entry earlier from (drum roll please) my own desk in my own office! I know, I know, so official. For those of you who don't know, I am spending my volunteer year at the Seton Home, which is a residential facility for homeless teenage girls, both pregnant and parenting, that have chosen to keep their babies. My position falls under the Spirituality Department, and I will be working as the Faith Formation Coordinator. This means that I will be planning and leading youth group meetings for the girls each week (which are optional for them) that provide these teens a weekly time for them to reflect on their experiences and (hopefully) grow in their faith and what they believe. I've realized that my position doesn't require me to have all of these profound answers, but rather to just provide these girls with a space to talk, listen, learn, and reflect. I've already come up with a ton of ideas (mostly inspired by my time in the incredible USD SEARCH community), and I can't wait to see how this year unfolds. I will also be, at times, taking the girls to mass (again, optional and only if they want to go) on Sundays, putting together the monthly newsletter, and accompanying/checking in with new residents as they start their time at Seton Home.

So, my first day was last Wednesday, and for the time being I am getting a ride to work with the former JV who had my position, Mary-Kate, who is awesome and hysterical and now a full-time staff member at Seton Home this year. She has been an incredible resource for me so far, if I've had any questions or problems with anything, she has been right there to help in any way. In the first couple days, the majority of my time was spent walking around, getting acquainted with the campus, meeting the staff, learning all the ins and outs of the organization, and most importantly, meeting the residents and their little ones! It has been very interesting, to say the least. Some of the residents are very warm and friendly and ready to meet new people, but others are, let's just say, less warm and friendly. But that is what I expected, quite frankly. These girls have been through so much in their short lives, and I wouldn't expect them to be anything less than guarded. I just hope that as time goes on, they can start to see me as an ally and someone who wants to listen, rather than a stranger that doesn't care. I've already met and gotten to know a couple girls and their babies, and I have a few favorites already! And for the record, holding a 7month old baby is probably the best stress-reliever ever. Anyway, everyone has been extremely friendly and welcoming, and I am so excited to really get into my job here. It's something so different from what I thought I wanted to do, but I am ready and up for the challenge... I hope!

As far as life at home goes, the Casa G girls have been working really hard - and not just at our jobs! Arriving at our humble abode the first day, we felt a lot of excitement, but coupled with extreme shock at the deteriorating condition of the house. This is going to be our home for a whole year - we want to be proud of the place we live! SO, we have taken every free moment we have (yes, including our entire weekend) and taken matters into our own hands. We have cleaned, organized, dusted, disposed, donated, eliminated clutter, scraped peeling paint off the walls, washed windows, and even mowed the lawn! It has been exhausting and frustrating at times, but we're keeping in mind how much better it will look after we're done! And it's been great bonding for us as we attempt things that we're probably not totally qualified to do (I have never in my life scraped paint, sanded, and spackled an entire room), and it's made for some great dance parties!

We also took a roomie trip downtown to the River Walk to a dance club called Acapulco Sam's on Friday night, which was an insane amount of fun despite it being probably close to a million degrees in there. For a while we were the only ones out there dancing, but we didn't care! It was so great to be out there, all 7 of us, just letting go and having fun after an intense week of work at our agencies AND in our house. I can't wait for us to explore the city some more!

Overall, it has been a wonderfully exhausting couple weeks. I'm definitely still settling in, and I'm realizing more and more about how challenging this experience is. It's not just a JVC year - it's responding to God's call to serve, which has drawn me way out of my comfort zone in all sorts of ways: new city, new responsibilities, new community, new adjustments, new lifestyle. There have been great times so far and also really challenging times when I question my purpose here. However, I am still confident in God's plan for me, and the things that this year has to offer me, both joyful and difficult.


Thanks everyone for your support and love!


Missing everyone so much!


Peace,

Kels


P.S. More pictures!!!



Our Lady of Guadalupe Church!
(our parish church and next-door neighbors!)


CASA G!
Our humble abode :)


MY office at the Seton Home!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

HOWDY!

Wow, SO much has happened since I last updated.


I am writing to you all from the beautiful, the historical, and incredibly HOT San Antonio, Texas!

My roommates and I walked across the street to a small, locally-owned, non-profit coffee shop with free WiFi - I couldn't wait to update all of you on what I have been doing!


So, on August 10th I said goodbye to my family and boarded an absurdly early flight from LAX to Pheonix, where I met up with Megan (my good friend from USD who is living in the JVC house also!), and we had a quick layover and boarded our flight to Houston, Texas! We stepped off the plane and just experienced a few seconds of the overwhelming heat and humidity as we walked off the plane to the gate, but that few seconds was definitely enough. We wandered around the HUGE Houston airport (everything's bigger in Texas!) and found the baggage claim, where we proceeded to call parents, friends, and the entire USD University Ministry staff (naturally) to chat and let them know that we got there safely! Once we got our baggage, we headed to a different terminal (by way of a underground train - yes, the airport is that big), and met our first roommate, Laura! Once we set our things down, herds of people started congregating around us! We realized that we're not ridiculously popular, but that all of those people were there for JVC! It was so great and fun to meet so many people, but also pretty overwhelming and tiring. Once all 56 Jesuit Volunteers of the JVC South Region had gathered, we boarded a big yellow school bus (which was not air-conditioned, might I add), and headed to Pinehurst, Texas for our orientation retreat.


Once we arrived, we moved our things into adorable little cabins and started the crazy whirlwind they called orientation. That first night, I have to admit that I had an incredibly rough time. I think that everything hit me all at once, and I realized that I was incredibly homesick. That night, I wrestled with why I traveled halfway across the country to serve, when there are plenty of social issues to deal with back at home, or in San Diego, where I’m with the people I love. But, after some tears, some contemplation, and a lot of prayer, I realized that I was missing the point. And, while it’s okay to be scared of transitions, I realized that this is something that I need to work with God on. And I wasn’t really doing that in my first day, and I wasn’t being as open as I could or should have. Anyway, from then on out, orientation was so much fun! We listened to talks given by various people on the four values: Social Justice, Simplicity, Community, and Spirituality. They were all great and very inspiring, and I feel like I learned so much! The simplicity talk was my favorite, and it really affirmed me in my choice to do JVC. I learned that living simply is not giving up ALL things, but making sure to be intentional in your use of things, and to put people/relationships BEFORE things. I really want to incorporate this idea into the rest of my life, so I’m glad that I have this year to practice! At the end of orientation, we had a beautiful Commissioning Liturgy, which was where we really committed, through mass, to our JVC year. They sang some songs from Founders (the chapel at USD) and I obviously wept through the mass because of that. However, I was quickly comforted by everyone around me, which was such a wonderful feeling, even so far from home. Orientation was filled with beautiful prayers, incredible conversations, exciting challenges, a lot of laughter, and fantastic dance parties! It got me so excited for this year!


On Sunday, the last day of orientation, the 7 girls of our community waved goodbye to all our new JVC friends, and were picked up by Brother Gus (a Jesuit Brother at the parish church attached to our house), and drove 3 1/2 hours to San Antonio. Once we arrived at the house (screaming in excitement, naturally), we almost got to go inside our new home, but were stopped by the flooding of children from the neighborhood coming over to meet the new JV’s! They were followed by Nicholas, one of the JV’s from this previous year, Jose and Margie, Carlos and Pearl, Lee, Fr. Ron and Fr. Marty - all members/employees of the parish church and neighbors of ours! It was amazing to meet our new community, and they were so amazingly welcoming! It almost brought me to tears how wonderful everyone was, and it made me so excited to get to know them better and to become involved in this incredible community. Once we were finished meeting and chatting with the huge group of people that came to meet us, we were finally able to get inside our new home - Casa Guadalupe (or, Casa G, as we call it)! The house is HUGE (an old convent) and, although kind of cluttered, SO amazing! There are 7 of us girls - Megan, Owen, Janine, Kait, Laura, Christina, and myself - and we each get our own bedroom, and then there are 4 bathrooms. Also, we have a huge living room, a nice kitchen, dining room area, and a chapel IN our house, complete with a life-size crucifix! It’s an amazing place, and since we got here we’ve been cleaning and organizing and getting settled in. It’s taken a while since we’ve had hardly any time to ourselves - our days have been filled with people taking us here and there, and bringing us food, and inviting us over for yummy desserts! It’s been an amazing couple of days so far - we’ve even got a tour of each of our agencies, which I will explain in my next blog entry!


A great story to end with:

Late on our first night in Casa G, we were cleaning (as we had been the whole day/night already), and two of us, Janine and Owen, decided to clean the bathroom. They turned on the water in the shower, and, much to our surprise/dismay, the water would not turn off! It was gushing out of the tub faucet and the drain wasn’t draining very well. Needless to say, we needed a solution, AND FAST. We acted quickly and emptied our trash cans to use as buckets, and scooped the water out of the tub, into the sink. We had a sturdy assembly line going, but nothing was stopping and we did not know what to do! You could imagine our panic - we were convinced the house was going to flood on the first night here - how embarrassing! We tried to get a hold of Fr. Marty, Bro. Gus, or the janitor, and finally all three responded and came over, and had to shut off all of our water. Thankfully, we had saved some water in other buckets that we could use for washing our face and brushing our teeth, so it wasn’t a huge deal. And the shower was fixed in the morning! Phew. We laughed the whole way through AND took pictures and videos in the midst of the crisis. We figured that we got the emergency out of the way, and if we ever have another one, we’re 100% prepared!



Anyway, I will update more later in the next couple days, but we all have our first day of work tomorrow, which should provide me with a lot more updates! I’m so nervous, but also incredibly excited!


Thank you everyone for your support, love, and prayers. I have needed it during this difficult, but beautiful, transition!


Shout out to my other JVC best friends, and my family and friends at home, and everyone at USD!



Love, peace, and prayers,

Kelsey


P.S. Pictures!



Just got to the airport! Megan and I say HOWDY Texas!


Circle Lake Retreat Center - beautiful!


Mary's Garden at Circle lake


Our cabins at orientation!


Just arrived at our new house, Casa G!
All my roommates and Brother Gus :)

Don't worry, if there's an emergency, the girls of Casa G have it covered!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Only a few days now...

So, I am only a few days away from embarking on this crazy journey. And, quite frankly, the feeling most evident to me right now is fear. I know that I have nothing to worry about, that this experience is going to be one of a kind and life-changing (in a good way), and that I am going to have an incredible experience... but there is also a lot of unknown which really freaks me out. What if I don't like Texas? What if I'm not good at my job? What if my housemates don't like me? All questions running through my head, though I know they're kind of silly. Oh, well.

Also: my best friends start their orientation tomorrow. You know who you are. I LOVE YOU ALL and I'm praying for you constantly. I am so proud of each of you, and I can't wait until we can all catch up.


More updates to come in the next couple days as I pack up to jump right into this new experience!


Peace,
Kels

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Only about 5 weeks away!

Wow, how time flies!

Well, it's only about five-ish weeks now until I head out to San Antonio and although I am obviously anxious and nervous, I also feel a great sense of excitement about all that I am about to encounter. I don't know how I'll feel when I actually get there and I'm far from my family and my friends and USD, but I think with how much will be going on, I'll be plenty occupied. I should be getting information about my house and community members very soon, which is going to be extremely exciting! I know one, Megan, who is a great friend of mine from USD - I feel so lucky to have her, someone I know, in the house with me! But the other people, I can't wait to find out more about. I will most definitely update when I know more info.

Something that has been on my mind recently - and mostly because being back home has put me in many situations where I have to explain what I will be doing next year - is why this whole thing is so "counter-cultural." I feel as though sometimes when I explain it to people, I get the "oh... hmm... okay." response, rather than more questions or excitement. I think people are definitely excited for me and what I am doing, but I also think they might just not know what to say or feel about it. I wonder why that is. It's just very different not being at USD, surrounded with understanding, encouragement, and support for me in my JVC journey. But I know, too, that this is how the real world is going to be - not everyone is going to understand or support what I feel is right and what I feel called to. And I know that I have to deal with that. I also know that the world has a lot of need, and if I can try to alleviate just a small part of that need, then I know that what I am doing is right. It might sound sort of "pie in the sky" to some people, but I really can't imagine doing anything else with my life right now.


That's all for now. Thanks for reading!


Peace,
Kels

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The first of many!

Well hello everyone!
Thanks for visiting my blog!

So, it's just under two months until I will be embarking on the next chapter of my life and an exciting/nerve-wracking/intense/beautiful/challenging/life-giving experience!

I'm not sure what to feel just quite yet. I am definitely excited and I feel ready to take on whatever this experience has to offer me. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't extremely nervous for everything I will encounter through my year as a Jesuit Volunteer. I think one thing that makes me extremely nervous is keeping in contact with my friends and family, and the long list of people that mean so much to me. So, I hope this blog can be one way to welcome everyone into my experience and make sure that I don't lose contact with anyone. I wholeheartedly believe in service and immersion, but I don't think it has to be at the expense of the people in my life that I already care so much about. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but the bottom line is that I hope this blog can be a way to keep everyone a part of my JV experience and a way to stay updated on everyone else's experiences.


Anywho, if you haven't already, please visit my JVC webpage to read more about my specific job placement and more of what my experience will be like!

https://atl.etapestry.com/fundraiser/JesuitVolunteerCorps/CelebrateLA/individual.do?participationRef=2315.0.119125579


Thank you to everyone for all of your continued support, love, and prayers!

I would not be where or who I am without each and every one of you.



Peace and love,
Kels